The power of vulnerability: how the best leaders show their weaknesses
It started with the president climbing up onto the top of the telephone pole and one by one we all did it over a two-year period. Our company developed the most amazing corporate culture as a result. People were excited and afraid, and I learned a lot. Feeling awkward with my bum sticking out in the air trying to climb up, I remember the facilitator asking me, why are you worried about how you look trying to get up onto a telephone pole?
Fascinated, I was listening to my friend and colleague, Larry, telling me and a few coaching friends this story about this company experience from his early career. How did all these people follow through and not “opt-out” of this difficult experience?
Why putting on a "brave face" may not actually be what your teams need from their leader
Thinking about that message from the facilitator about worrying how we might look got me thinking. What if your team trusts you more if they see you struggle and your ability to move through it? They want to know they’re not crazy; they aren’t the only ones that feel how they do. They want to know you’re struggling like them and have found a way to make your way through. Transparency is essential. Don’t fake courage; tell them what you’re feeling and how you’re managing it.
Being vulnerable creates a safe space for others to be courageous and build trust with you.
Courage is contagious. One by one each person who climbed the telephone pole created excitement and anticipation for those who came after. Over time, people were asking when they could finally attend this special retreat. When you show courage by stepping into vulnerability, it creates momentum and sets the example that others are safe to be courageous too.
Vulnerability and trust are built together in small moments. You need to be vulnerable to build a little trust and you need a little more trust to be a little more vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable, it builds others’ ability to trust you. When you risk being vulnerable with someone, you trust them a little bit more afterwards. One by one they climbed the pole and when each came down there was a celebration and showering of support for each person as they came back to the team enhancing trust each time.
Your team may be working through the same change, fear, or anxiety that you are. See vulnerability as something to bind you, not divide you.
Sharing your concerns, fears and struggle with your team helps them recognize it’s ok for them to feel these feelings too. Pretending to be superhuman sets the example that it’s not ok for them to struggle. Your team members become less honest with you and feel less safe to be transparent with their feelings and experience. Instead, they start to feel silent judgement and begin to wonder “what’s wrong with me, how come my leader can work through this without struggle and I can’t?” Self-doubt and imposter syndrome can creep in on your team. Helping your team realize they aren’t alone in how they feel is one of the best antidotes to doubt and imposter syndrome.
Some ways you might show vulnerability in the workplace (away from the telephone pole):
Asking for feedback
Giving Feedback
Sharing gratitude
Asking others for their ideas
Acknowledging you don’t know something or what to do next
Asking questions
Being transparent that your decision may not be the best decision
Asking for others’ opinions
Sharing your doubts
Asking for help
Supporting a team member with something personal and difficult
Want to build a team with great confidence and courage? Showing your vulnerability makes it safe for them to do the same. It allows you and your team to uncover where they may be feeling stuck and for you to coach and support them through to the other side of it. You increase psychological safety when you risk your emotional safety. I’m not necessarily advocating climbing a real telephone pole. Instead, consider what emotional telephone pole you’re willing to climb to create the culture you want for your team.